He tells me it's like love in the movies, only real
December 15th, 2005: There is a beautiful girl in my life who conjures within me that feeling that everyone calls 'love'. I don't think the word alone can suffice. It is the feeling of inexorable happiness that comes when you are infinitely happy and you know it's not going anywhere. It is the feeling that inexplicably pulls me from the depths of whatever rut I faced before, and inspires me to be all the things I am certain I can be.I know you wrote it about me, yet I don't know if I fit that picture anymore. You hardly need me for inspiration anymore, darling--it seems you have found other things to occupy your time and mind more completely, while I have been put fifth on the list, behind sleeping until noon, Magic cards, Subway at 3am, and hanging out with your floor. Perhaps it's because you know I'm not going anywhere that you think I'll keep coming back, even when neglected. Or, you just have no clue.
January 17th, 2006: Love is what I'm in...
Is that still so, my love?
January 17th, 2006: I want to ask you for time, for patience...
...I know you'd give it to me. You already are. You are holding on to a life raft of hope, that I will one day find what you have. I WANT TO, do I ever, for you I would do anything. Die, even - who would have thought.
My darling, do you remember those words? So long ago...would you die for me now? I am running out of patience as time and time again your wordy promises don't match your actions. I want to be patient, I do. Does patience expire?
March 25th, 2006: My heart has never been happier. It is the product of all kinds of influences, both on the outside and within, that produce that warm feeling that there is so much beauty in the world. I think it is music, school, my friends, my family, a new and growing understanding and relationship with God, and that wonderful (aka. drop dead talented brilliant super incredible) girl in my life that are fostering in me a kind of anticipation for the rest of my life that is always growing.
Alas...it seems so long since we've grown
Call me melodramatic. You'd ask the same things if you were me.
Where are we going? Are we there yet?
